I think my fart just growled at me.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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