I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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