Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
