My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
