How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
