I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
