Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
