yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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