She's JV to your varsity
what day is it and did you see me today?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
