For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
