he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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