we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
