And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
