The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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