please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
