she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
