I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i think i have herpe
just one?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
