whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
