he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
