is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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