i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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