I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
