Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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