I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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