that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
