it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
