i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
