my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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