Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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