I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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