I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
