Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
