Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
