if you like me you must not know who I am
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
