My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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