btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
