my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you had me at cake vodka
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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