she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
