i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
