i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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