I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
