I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
