The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
