All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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