I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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