i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
