Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
