I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
