Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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