i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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