covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
