I look better un-naked...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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