He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Randomize
