There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
