Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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