clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
