how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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